ELEMENTS OF BODY LANGUAGE
There are worksheets at www.kevinhogan.com/worksheets.htm that you can print out and use forever. (You can use, them before sales presentations, meetings, and events where you are speaking. In addition, you can use one chart during meetings to give you an edge that you're never experienced before).
The elements of body language can be broken down in many ways, form physical body parts to how these body parts are used. Academics and scientists can spend years studying just a single element, and entire books have written on each of the eight elements you'll learn about in this chapter.
My purpose here is to expand your understanding of body language by breaking it down into the key elements.
1. eyes, 2. face, 3. gestures, 4. touch, 5. posture, 6. movement, 7. appearance, and 8. voice. Each one plays an important role in non-verbal behavior, but as you've come to expect, with body language, none of them operate in complete isolation. They work together, often in very subtle ways, and different combinations can produce language messages. You will benefit greatly by keeping this in mind as you read through the chapter.
1. Eyes
The eyes are the windows of the soul, it has been said, and most people would say this is indeed true. Your eyes have a huge impact on communication and are a key component of your body language. Eye movement and use is often the first non-verbal behavior others notice because your eyes are usually the first place they look and the place they come back to the most often.
Your eyes are powerful non-verbal tools in part because you can make conscious choices of how to use them and in put, because deal to other they do a lot of things completely on their own. This combination of deliberate and spontaneous body language is quite interesting and influential.
The deliberate movements of your eyes communicate a great deal to other people. You've no doubt been taught to make regular eye contact with an audience when making a presentation, but the benefits of that eye contact can rapidly disappear if your eyes move too quickly from person to person. A steady confident gaze becomes a nervous darting of the eyes if you don't strike the right balance between individual eye contact and working the room.
The length and intensity of your eye contact sends some very specific messages. For instance when meeting someone for the first time it is considered polite to make eye contact for a few seconds but it is considered quite rude to make contact and stare. In an intimate setting such as a date, though, an extended gaze is a sign of interest, attention, and affection. And what if you're in a shopping mall?
Brief eye contact is considered normal but outright staring at other people is often interpreted as hostile or threatening.
Not making eye contact is just as powerful. You might break eye contact and look away as a signal to the other person you are ready to end the conversation, are bored with the subject of the conversation, or frustrated that the other person is talking too much. Looking away can also be a sign of submission; women tend to do this a lot during the first few interactions with someone whom they find attractive. The most intense form of not making eye contact is deliberately looking past or away from someone who is obviously trying to get your attention. This may be interpreted as dominance, dismissal, or just plain rudeness.
Where you direct your gaze is a strong non-verbal behavior as well.
The classic example, of course, is a man who spends more time looking at a woman's chest than at her face, but there are other examples. For instance, if you are speaking with someone who has a facial scar or birthmark, you might find yourself looking at that rather than the person's eyes. This is a perfectly normal tendency but society teaches that it is rude. Children haven't absorbed this lesson fully so they will openly stare at anything they find unusual such as a physical disability, unusual clothing, and the like.
The spontaneous body language of your eyes is a bit more subtle but just as powerful. You know your eyes dilate and contract based on the brightness of light around you, but you might not know they also change based on your mood, attitude, and emotions.
What's more, they make these changes on their own and outside of your conscious control. The actions of your pupils are extremely noticeable, furthermore, because so much of human behavior is based around eye contact and the face.
Your pupils contract noticeably when you are angry, unhappy, or perceiving something as negative or suspicious. They dilate noticeably when you are excited, happy, aroused, or even when your brain is engaged in problem-solving activity. All of these actions occur spontaneously, outside of your control, but it's also interesting to note that the way others interpret these actions is also spontaneous and automatic.
For instance, if you are speaking with someone whose pupils contract you will start to perceive that person as angry or unhappy. If I then ask how you came to that conclusion, you would have trouble pinpointing exactly how you did it. You might mention some other non-verbal behavior, but the truth is pupil contraction is the trigger to your interpretation.
Human beings tend to interpret dilated pupils as more attractive than contracted pupils. This is an integral part of human intimacy and interaction. For instance, when two people are attracted to each other their pupils dilate in response to their feelings.
Babies' pupils dilate whenever another human being - especially their mothers - is nearby to entice that other person to feel affection and caring. It is not deliberate, of course, but a characteristic that is considered part of the survival mechanism.
Do you tend to notice people with light colored eyes more quickly than people with dark colored eyes? There is a reason for that. The contrast between the pupil and a light colored eye is much sharper than between the pupil and a dark colored eye, so you are naturally drawn to the more noticeable contrast. This is one reason why people with light colored eyes create such a stir in cultures where the population is primarily dark eyed. The novelty and intensity of contrast between pupil and eye color draws a lot of attention and interest.
The attractiveness of dilated pupils plays an important role in advertising as well. Look at any picture of a model and you'll see that his or her pupils are dilated; this is especially true in ads for makeup or facial care products. The effect of dilation is so strong in fact, that advertisers will touch up photos to increase the size of the model's pupils in the final version of the photo.
You and I like big pupils......the bigger the better.
What about blinking?
It is a primarily a spontaneous non-verbal behavior, although it can become deliberate if you focus on it. The speed and frequency of blinking sends a body language message ranging from nervousness to deception to stress to superiority, depending on the context. For instance, if you are speaking with someone who sees you as inferior, that person's blinks may be slightly slower than normal. This keeps their eyes covered longer in an unconscious attempt to block you from their sight. In extreme instances, the person might talk for several seconds at a time with eyes closed. This is usually accompanied by a backward tilt of the head, allowing the person to effectively look down at you.
Rule of thumb: Increased rate of blinking is correlated to increased anxiety and/or deception unless their contact lens is bothering them.
Want to send a "liking message" with your eyes?
Use everything I've talked about in this section and mix this in the recipe as well: When breaking eye contact, don't look from side to side, at other people or things, or up. Only look down, defocused and then bring your eyes back up to meet the other person.
The strength of this message can be as disarming as a tornado.
Why?
No one uses it and it's filled with respect, appreciation, and liking.
2. Face
Many experts consider facial expressions the most important non-verbal behavior of all. Your face is the focal point of conversation and interaction, so the impact of its movements and expressions is magnified. The face is a tool for communicating emotions and feelings, but it is also important for regulating and directing an interaction.
Let's say you are interacting with another person and you want to say something. If the other person is already talking, your facial expression will change to indicate you want a turn. Your eyebrows rise slightly, and your mouth opens as if you are about to speak. Smiling is a facial expression used when listening to someone else as a way of encouraging them, acknowledging what they are saying, and signaling you are interested in what they are saying.
Facial expressions can communicate nearly any emotion you want, the most common being happiness, fear, disgust, anger, sadness, and surprise. They typically appear as follows:
1. Happiness - Lips pull back and up at the corners; cheeks raise up; so-called crow's feet wrinkles become
noticeable on the outside of the eyes.
2. Fear - Mouth opens slightly lips are tense; eyebrows rise up and together; forehead wrinkles in the center; upper eyelid rises up.
3. Disgust - Nose wrinkles up; cheeks raise up; eyebrows lower; upper lip rises up; lower lip may be raised up against the upper lip or lowered slightly and pushed out.
4. Anger - Eyes stare with contracted pupils, perhaps seeming to bulge out; eyebrows lower coming together and creating wrinkles between them; lips may be tense and pressed together or tense and open.
5. Sadness - Lips draw down in the corners, perhaps trembling; eyebrows rise up slightly; upper eyelid rises up in the inner corner.
6. ******Surprise - Eyelids open wide; eyebrows arch up; wrinkles appear across entire forehead; jaw drops and mouth opens.
Your face is a useful flirtation device. (It's like a flotation device on an airplane...okay, maybe not.)
A smile, a wink, and raised eyebrows in the right social situation can attract another person's attention and communicate interest. Once a conversation is started, these same facial expressions help to encourage further interest and interaction.
The power of facial expression for attracting and engaging someone else is so big that it can become a misused tool for manipulating or otherwise influencing another person.
There are cultural differences in how facial body language is interpreted as well. For instance, Americans tend to read more emotion into the face than do Japanese. Americans put their focus on the mouth when trying to understand what someone is saying.
The Japanese put their attention on the eyes.
People from the same culture are more accurate in reading each others' facial expressions, a finding you would expect, of course.
Facial expression can be either deliberate or spontaneous depending on the person and the situation. Children tend to show their facial expressions spontaneously, with little or no deliberate control. Adults, on the other hand, have learned through the years to mask or control certain facial expressions in certain situations where they are considered inappropriate or unwise.
Want People to Feel as if You Are Both on the Same Wavelength?
Allow yourself to become infected by their emotional output. In other words, if you see them get excited because the home team got a touchdown, make sure you get caught up in that excitement as well, and, make sure they see that.
If your counterpart is angry, allow your face to come close to matching his emotional intensity.
These kind of near matches really build empathy and liking between two people or groups of people. However, don't match the exact level of excitement or anger. This can often backfire as being seen as dramatic not genuine, and an overall bad idea.
3. Gestures
Gestures are commonly recognized as movements used to communicate a message or enhance the communication of a message. Unlike other elements of body language, to be considered a true gesture the movement must be deliberate and intentional. For instance, if you stand up to walk across the room that is a movement, but it is not a gesture.
If you walk across the room in an exaggerated way, such as on your toes, skipping, talking especially large steps, and so forth, then it is considered a gesture. Your choice to exaggerate the walk is a deliberate action for the purpose of communicating or enhancing the communication of your message.
Want to Make Sure They Don't Engage You in Conversation as You Leave Your Office?
As soon as you get to your door increase your stride length and pace. Focus your eyes far in front of you so you don't make eye contact with the people you walk past. If you do accidentally make eye contact make sure you smile at the person and keep walking.
There are two generally recognized categories of gestures:
1. Speech - independent gestures.
2. Speech - related gestures.
Gestures are especially noteworthy because they are the type of non-verbal communication that is most likely to differ from culture to culture. Speech - independent gestures are most likely to be drastically different, but speech-related gestures can cause cross-cultural confusion as well.
Speech - Independent Gestures
This category is for deliberate movements that can be specifically defined by a word or a short phrase. They are true replacements for speech and are used accordingly. Most speech - independent gestures have a common definition within the culture where they are used, and they generally take the form of a single gesture rather than multiple gestures put together.
Here are some examples of speech-independent gestures and their common meanings:
1. Shoulder shrug - "I don't know" or "I don't care."
2. Ring gesture (thumb and forefinger placed together to form a circle) - "good "or "okay" in the United States; "you're nothing" or "you're worthless" in France; "money" in Japan; and various vulgar sayings in Italy, Greece, and Turkey.
3. Arm wave - "hello," "goodbye, "or "I'm over here."
4. Forefinger vertical to lips - "be quiet," or "stop talking."
5. Arm straight in front, palm facing forward - "stop," or "stay back."
6. Forefinger held up - "look up," "wait a moment," or "stop."
7. Thumbs up - "yes," "good work," "I understand," or "let's go."
The range of gestures is tremendous, with many of them having different meanings and nuances based on context. The number of recognized speech - independent gestures varies in different parts of the world. For example, there are about 100 recognized gestures in the United States but over 250 recognized gestures in Israel.
Gesturing Expressiveness
Women are more expressive with their hands (for example, substituting gestures for words like okay) than are men.
Speech - Related Gestures
This category is for deliberate movements that accompany speech or that are directly related to what is being said. They typically fall into one of these general categories:
1. Gestures related to what the speaker is talking about whether the topic is abstract or concrete.
2. Gestures indicating the speaker's relationship to or with the topic.
3. Gestures used to punctuate or emphasize something the speaker says.
4. Gestures used to regulate the flow of conversation between two or more people.
It's worth noting, however that these are very loose categories and that the gestures themselves can be difficult to place into the appropriate category. Moreover, they vary from country to country and culture to culture.
Overall meaning of a particular speech-related gesture may be influenced by the size of the gesture (small hand movement vs. large arm movement), the frequency of the gesture, and the context in which it is used. Gestures are such an integral part of how we speak that they show up even when we're speaking in a format where the other person can't see us, such as on the telephone. Some people don't even realize they do it.
The next time you see someone talking on the phone, pause for a moment and observe their gestures - you just might be surprised at what you see!
Gestures influence your speech in a number of different ways. For instance, if you are very passionate about the topic you're discussing, then your gestures will probably be more frequent and more varied. Or, if the topic is something you would typically do with your hands (build a doghouse, was a car, mow the lawn, etc.), you'll likely use more gestures than if the topic is something you wouldn't typically do with you hands (history, current events, books, etc.).
Palms Up....A Surprising Consistent Cue
When people are communicating with you and standing fewer than six feet away, look at the position of the palms. Are they typically open or up? If so, that's rarely a bad sign. Usually this leads me to believe the person is being open inviting, or at least vulnerable, curious, and interesting.
On the other hand (wink) if you see palms down and away from you that rarely signals comfort, vulnerability or interest.
4. Touch
Touch is a unique element of body language because it carries with it such powerful connotations and so many different interpretations of intent. The four main categories of touch are:
1. Professional - A personal trainer positioning you properly during an exercise, a dentist working on your teeth, a doctor examining you, a beautician cutting your hair.
2. Social - A handshake, offering a hand to steady someone entering or exiting a vehicle, helping someone on or off with her coat.
3. Friendship - A pat on the back, a touch of the arm, a hug, an arm around the shoulders.
4. Intimacy - A kiss, a full embrace, holding hands, a touch of the cheek, rubbing the shoulders or the back.
The difficulty with touch as a non-verbal behavior is that different people have different definitions of which actions fall into which category. Their definitions may vary depending on age, gender, culture, circumstances, location, and the like, creating overlap between the different categories.
For instance, if your softball team wins a game and the team members hug each other to celebrate, those hugs have a different meaning than if they occurred during a business meeting. A walk in the park, or lunch in a restaurant. Gender differences abound as well. Women are generally more comfortable giving and receiving hugs or giving and receiving gentle touches with others as a sign of friendship while men are more comfortable using those same kinds of touch as signs of intimacy.
The purpose of touch is an important consideration as well. This is the area where most conflicts occur because the person performing the touch may have one purpose or intent while the person receiving the touch may have one purpose or intent. The meaning of touch can be very subjective, ranging across the following:
1. Positive feedback
2. Encouragement
3. Support
4. Negative feedback
5. Anger
6. Frustration
7. Play
8. Humor
9. Influence
10. Dominance
11. Intimidation
12. Stopping or starting an interaction
13. Arousal
14. Task completion
15. Assistance
16. Healing
17. Symbolism
18. Ritual
19. Rank
20. Status
The bottom line when it comes to touch is that it is one of the most subjective elements of body language. It is a good idea to take a conservative approach to using it in most situations and circumstances.
Touch, Power, and Non-verbals in the Office
Sexual harassment is a controversial issue 25 years after the institution of policies both ambiguous and rigid.
According to a recently published survey, "Gendered Constructions of Power During Discourse about Sexual Harassment: Negotiating Competing Meanings," published in Sex Roles, women interpret sexual harassment in terms of power. They tend to feel that every male at the office is a candidate for sexual harassment.
Men however believe that sexual harassment can only come from a superior (supervisor or manager).
The research indicates that women are less likely to experience touch from men as harassing if the man is attractive. And, if the man is very attractive, the touch is even less likely to be experienced as harassing.
For his unfortunate friends who are not so attractive, touching women can land them on the unemployment line. Women typically perceive touch from unattractive men as harassing.
In sum, women and men have very different views and behaviors related to sexual harassment, and, because of the distinctions, it appears that the problem isn't going away.
5. Posture
Most people think of posture as standing up straight shoulders back, and eyes up. This is certainly one very broad way to describe posture, but there are smaller contributing aspects of posture as well. These include:
1. Head position - Tilted up, tilted down, tilted to the side.
2. Shoulder position - Forward, back, shrugged, tilted, slumped.
3. Arm position - Rigid, up, down, forward, straight, bent, crossed.
4. Hips and legs - Square and aligned, weight shifted to one side, one knee bent, hip thrust to either side, turned side ways, legs crossed.
The way you combine and use these various aspects changes the meaning and effectiveness of your message. For instance, if you are trying to make a good impression on a job interviewed or show interest in a one-on-one conversation, a common posture action is called mirroring. When you subtly mirror the posture of the other person you create a feeling of understanding, compatibility, and likability. On the other hand, if you are trying to discourage a person's attention or end a conversation, your posture action might be just the opposite of mirroring. You may turn your back to the person, cross your arms in front of your chest slump your shoulders, or lower your head and not make eye contact.
Posture has a big impact on first impression, too. Picture yourself walking into a room from a business meeting. There are already two people seated at the meeting table - one is sitting upright with hands placed on the table the other slumped back in the chair propping his or her face up with a hand on the chin. What is your initial impression of the first person?
The second person?
Another interesting example of use of posture is in the sport of ballroom dancing. Couples assume a dance posture before they reach the dance floor, staying in that posture as they walk out and take their places before the music starts. When the music ends they stay in their dance posture until they have left the dance floor and are completely out of sight. Why do they do this? To impress the judges, of course. They don't want the judges to see them as anything other than polished, professional, and perfectly balanced.
Fast Fact
Some observers believe that head forward is a sign of being extroverted. Not correct. There is no correlation.
6. Movement
Movement is an element of body language that many people do not fully appreciate in terms of its power and its flexibility. It can create a sense of interest and intimacy, a sense of power and domination, signal submission or retreat, and produce all kinds of emotions in other people.
Let's say you are walking in the shopping mall and you see someone moving toward you. If that person stays a certain distance away from you, his presence does not seem to be a threat; if, however, he moves too close to you, it's uncomfortable and you will either try to move away or face up to the perceived challenge of his movement.
What is the magic distance for the change in perception of movement intent? That varies tremendously depending on the person, the culture, the context, and the environment.
If two people are having a disagreement and one person moves toward the other person, that movement will probably be intended and perceived as aggressive. If those same two people are having a conversation where emotions and feelings are being shared, that same movement will likely be intended and perceived as supporting or encouraging.
Movement can be used to generate familiarity with an audience. Think back to the last few presidential elections in the United States, specifically to a series of debates held between the two major candidates. The formal structured debate is now joined by the more informal, town-hall style debate where the candidates are allowed to move around and approach the audience. The movement is very deliberate because it allows the candidate to connect better with the audience. Of course, some candidate are better at this than others, so naturally those who are good at it will push to use it in all of the debates, while those who are not good at it will push for the more structured format.
7. Appearance
This element of body language has to do with your physical appearance. It includes your body shape and size, your face and hair, your clothing, and the like. Whether we like tit or not, appearance and physical attractiveness have a strong influence on how others receive and perceive our communication messages.
Some of the appearance factors to consider include:
1. Body shape and size
2. Facial shape
3. Eyebrows
4. Hair
5. Height
6. Color
7. Cleanliness
8. Clothing
9. Accessories and jewelry
10. Tattoos and body decoration
11. Rough or smooth skin
12. Manicured nails
13. Makeup
Let's look at how some of these factors come into play.
Research studies have shown that a person of medium height with a muscular build is commonly perceived as mature and self-reliant while a person of medium height with a very thin wiry build is commonly perceived as nervous and quieter. The modern profession of human resources administration focuses a lot of energy on teaching employers and interviewers how to control these natural tendencies and focus on the qualifications of the individual instead.
Let's go back to the example of walking into a meeting room where two people are already seated. One person is dressed neatly in a three-piece suit while the other person is dressed in jeans and a T-shirt. What first impression do you get now? What if the person wearing the suit has long hair and a bushy beard while the person wearing the jeans and T-shirt has a short, neat haircut and no facial hair? How does that affect or confuse your first impression.
Tattoos and body decoration have become extremely common, throwing a monkey wrench into the body language of appearance. Some of it is generational (the older you are the less likely you are to approve) and some of it is based in professional expectations (a banker vs. bartender). Employers and parents often struggle with this issue, sometimes setting up huge conflicts and difficulties. Businesses have had to write specific policies into their dress code while parents continue to fight the "my best friend has a pierced lip, why can't I have one? " battle.
In relationships of a personal nature, it's not a surprise that men are very much drawn to attractive women.
One of the keys to explaining a man's attraction to a woman is the waist-to-hip- ratio. If a woman's waist-to-hip ratio is smaller than 24:36 for example, she will fit perfectly in a man's internal radar. If her waist-to-hip ratio is 1:1 or greater, in general, she will be filtered out by most men. They won't see her from the standpoint of sexuality and a love relationship.
Women also have an internal radar that filters men out, but it is more complex.
Women want a man to have waist-to-hip ratio of 1:1 or smaller.
From an evolutionary perspective, fat men are obviously less likely to have great value to a woman, just as obese women are not likely to be of much value to men.
But there is more.
In the Japanese alphabet there is a character call Tak ai (I think to George Takei from Star Trek to remember this.) Takai is an adjective that refers to the "three Ts" that Japanese women look for in men. Those terms translate into English as:
Tall
High Income
Intelligent
When women say they like men who are kind, that can typically be read as in addition to men who are tall high income, and intelligent.
Later I'll show you how being deficient in one area can be made up for in another. In other words, just because a man isn't tall, doesn't mean he's automatically filtered out. He can make enough money to overcome his height disadvantage. He can be intelligent enough to overcome his height disadvantage. (The research shows money has more leverage than height.)
For now, simply realize that the research is simple.
Women who are attractive have numerous advantages in life because they are attractive. Men who are tall, intelligent, and wealthy have those same advantages.
8. Voice
The last element of body language I'll discuss is your voice. You might thin of it as part of verbal language because it relates to words, but it's not. Voice is an important part of the non-verbal behaviors and cues that you both send and receive.
The common aspects of voice as body language include:
1. Tone - Warm, bored, enthusiastic, monotone, expressive.
2. Pitch - High, low, ending words or phrase on an up or down tone.
3. Emphasis - Less, more, rhythmic, unexpected, excessive, absent.
4. Volume - Loud, soft, projecting, variable, appropriate for the situation.
5. Tempo - Speed, variability, rhythm, pacing.
6. Contrasts - Loud, soft, fast, slow, high, low.
7. Accent - Non-native speaker, pronunciations, specific emphasis.
8. Emotion - Sad, happy, excited, angry, afraid.
9. Clarity - Enunciation, mumbling, precision, distortion.
10. Hesitation - Starts and stops, struggling to find words.11. Pauses - Form emphasis, for audience response, for dramatic effect.
12. Language - Slang, proper grammar, profanity, cliches, colloquialisms.
Let's say your voice is very soft, breathy, and high pitched. The first impression others have of you is likely to be that you are quiet, feminine unsure of yourself, and young. If, however, very deep, loud, and robust, the first impression others have of you is likely to be that you are bold, knowledgeable, masculine, and mature.
Do you listen to the radio? Is there a DJ whose voice you recognize and know well? Whether you realize it or not, in your mind you have formed an impression of what that person looks like and perhaps even what his personality may be like. If you were to meet that person face to face, you would probably find the picture in you mind is quite different from reality.
When people's vocal aspects to not seem to match with their physical characteristics, it creates a conflict that may confuse or surprise others. A well-known example is Mike Tyson, a former professional boxer. At the height of his career he was the most dominant force in the sport of boxing, beating opponents with a ferocity and intensity that seemed almost unreal.
His voice, however, was quite high pitched and sounded very feminine. His imposing, masculine body coupled with his small feminine voice created a very conflicting impression of him indeed.
Some people will deliberately take on certain vocal aspects in an attempt to directly influence the non-verbal cues it creates. Woman, for instance, may soften their tone and raise their pitch to convey intimacy. Both women and men may increase their volume and increase their tempo if they want to convey dominance, status, or persuasion.
Most people don't really know or understand the non-verbal influence of their voice. Compare this with actors, entertainers, newscasters, teachers, professional speakers, executives, and such. All of these people use their voices in specific ways to create specific impressions and non-verbal cues. The next time you watch the news for example, close your eyes, and listen to the newscaster's voice. Listen to how his voice changes in some tone, pitch, tempo, and the like, especially as he moves from serious news stories to lighter, human interest stories. You'll notice how his voice is used to set the tone for a story and convey the appropriate context.
Chapter 3 Takeaways
1. The elements of body language include both physical body parts and how those parts are used.
2. The key elements include 1. eyes, 2. face, 3. gestures, 4. touch, 5. posture, 6. movement, 7. appearance, and 8. voice.
3. The eyes convey messages with both deliberate body language (eye contact, direction of gaze) and spontaneous body language (pupil dilation, blinking).
4. Facial expressions are thought by many to be the most important of all non-verbal behaviors. They convey emotion and regulate and direct an interaction.
5. Gestures are movements used to communicate a message or enhance communication of a message. They are deliberate and intentional; the two categories of gestures (thumbs up, arm wave) and speech-related gestures (emphasize a point, describe a topic).
6. Touch generally falls into one of four categories:
1. professional
2. social
3. friendship
AND
4. intimacy.
There can be a tremendous amount of overlap between these categories due to factors such as age, gender, status, circumstances, and culture.
7. Posture includes several contributing aspects; head position, shoulder position, arm position hips and legs. It can be used in ways such as to influence first impression, create understanding and discourage attention.
8. Movement is a powerful yet flexible in how it can be used. It can convey such things as familiarity status, dominance, submission, aggression, support, and encouragement.
9. Appearance include body shape and size, face and hair, clothing, and the like. It is particularly powerful when it comes to creating a first impression. There are some strong generational differences in what is considered appropriate and inappropriate in terms of appearance.
10. Voice is non-verbal tool that includes aspects such as tone, pitch, tempo, emphasis, emotion, and so on. Vocal aspects can be used deliberately to shape and influence non-verbal cues and how they are perceived by others.
Chapter 3 Worksheet
1. Review the Chapter Takeaways and answer the following:
1. Which key point(s) did you find most interesting? Why?
2. How do you use eye contact as part of your non-verbal behavior? Think of a time when you used it to show interest and attention. Describe what you did and the effect it had.
Now think of a time when you used eye contact to show dominance or status. Describe what you did and the effect it had.
3. Videotape yourself giving a presentation or even participating in a conversation. Go back and look at the tape, noting your body language and what is conveyed.
4. Use a tape recorder to record your voice as you have a normal conversation. Play it back and listen to the non-verbal cues it conveys. What would you like to change? How can you achieve it?
The elements of body language can be broken down in many ways, form physical body parts to how these body parts are used. Academics and scientists can spend years studying just a single element, and entire books have written on each of the eight elements you'll learn about in this chapter.
My purpose here is to expand your understanding of body language by breaking it down into the key elements.
1. eyes, 2. face, 3. gestures, 4. touch, 5. posture, 6. movement, 7. appearance, and 8. voice. Each one plays an important role in non-verbal behavior, but as you've come to expect, with body language, none of them operate in complete isolation. They work together, often in very subtle ways, and different combinations can produce language messages. You will benefit greatly by keeping this in mind as you read through the chapter.
1. Eyes
The eyes are the windows of the soul, it has been said, and most people would say this is indeed true. Your eyes have a huge impact on communication and are a key component of your body language. Eye movement and use is often the first non-verbal behavior others notice because your eyes are usually the first place they look and the place they come back to the most often.
Your eyes are powerful non-verbal tools in part because you can make conscious choices of how to use them and in put, because deal to other they do a lot of things completely on their own. This combination of deliberate and spontaneous body language is quite interesting and influential.
The deliberate movements of your eyes communicate a great deal to other people. You've no doubt been taught to make regular eye contact with an audience when making a presentation, but the benefits of that eye contact can rapidly disappear if your eyes move too quickly from person to person. A steady confident gaze becomes a nervous darting of the eyes if you don't strike the right balance between individual eye contact and working the room.
The length and intensity of your eye contact sends some very specific messages. For instance when meeting someone for the first time it is considered polite to make eye contact for a few seconds but it is considered quite rude to make contact and stare. In an intimate setting such as a date, though, an extended gaze is a sign of interest, attention, and affection. And what if you're in a shopping mall?
Brief eye contact is considered normal but outright staring at other people is often interpreted as hostile or threatening.
Not making eye contact is just as powerful. You might break eye contact and look away as a signal to the other person you are ready to end the conversation, are bored with the subject of the conversation, or frustrated that the other person is talking too much. Looking away can also be a sign of submission; women tend to do this a lot during the first few interactions with someone whom they find attractive. The most intense form of not making eye contact is deliberately looking past or away from someone who is obviously trying to get your attention. This may be interpreted as dominance, dismissal, or just plain rudeness.
Where you direct your gaze is a strong non-verbal behavior as well.
The classic example, of course, is a man who spends more time looking at a woman's chest than at her face, but there are other examples. For instance, if you are speaking with someone who has a facial scar or birthmark, you might find yourself looking at that rather than the person's eyes. This is a perfectly normal tendency but society teaches that it is rude. Children haven't absorbed this lesson fully so they will openly stare at anything they find unusual such as a physical disability, unusual clothing, and the like.
The spontaneous body language of your eyes is a bit more subtle but just as powerful. You know your eyes dilate and contract based on the brightness of light around you, but you might not know they also change based on your mood, attitude, and emotions.
What's more, they make these changes on their own and outside of your conscious control. The actions of your pupils are extremely noticeable, furthermore, because so much of human behavior is based around eye contact and the face.
Your pupils contract noticeably when you are angry, unhappy, or perceiving something as negative or suspicious. They dilate noticeably when you are excited, happy, aroused, or even when your brain is engaged in problem-solving activity. All of these actions occur spontaneously, outside of your control, but it's also interesting to note that the way others interpret these actions is also spontaneous and automatic.
For instance, if you are speaking with someone whose pupils contract you will start to perceive that person as angry or unhappy. If I then ask how you came to that conclusion, you would have trouble pinpointing exactly how you did it. You might mention some other non-verbal behavior, but the truth is pupil contraction is the trigger to your interpretation.
Human beings tend to interpret dilated pupils as more attractive than contracted pupils. This is an integral part of human intimacy and interaction. For instance, when two people are attracted to each other their pupils dilate in response to their feelings.
Babies' pupils dilate whenever another human being - especially their mothers - is nearby to entice that other person to feel affection and caring. It is not deliberate, of course, but a characteristic that is considered part of the survival mechanism.
Do you tend to notice people with light colored eyes more quickly than people with dark colored eyes? There is a reason for that. The contrast between the pupil and a light colored eye is much sharper than between the pupil and a dark colored eye, so you are naturally drawn to the more noticeable contrast. This is one reason why people with light colored eyes create such a stir in cultures where the population is primarily dark eyed. The novelty and intensity of contrast between pupil and eye color draws a lot of attention and interest.
The attractiveness of dilated pupils plays an important role in advertising as well. Look at any picture of a model and you'll see that his or her pupils are dilated; this is especially true in ads for makeup or facial care products. The effect of dilation is so strong in fact, that advertisers will touch up photos to increase the size of the model's pupils in the final version of the photo.
You and I like big pupils......the bigger the better.
What about blinking?
It is a primarily a spontaneous non-verbal behavior, although it can become deliberate if you focus on it. The speed and frequency of blinking sends a body language message ranging from nervousness to deception to stress to superiority, depending on the context. For instance, if you are speaking with someone who sees you as inferior, that person's blinks may be slightly slower than normal. This keeps their eyes covered longer in an unconscious attempt to block you from their sight. In extreme instances, the person might talk for several seconds at a time with eyes closed. This is usually accompanied by a backward tilt of the head, allowing the person to effectively look down at you.
Rule of thumb: Increased rate of blinking is correlated to increased anxiety and/or deception unless their contact lens is bothering them.
Want to send a "liking message" with your eyes?
Use everything I've talked about in this section and mix this in the recipe as well: When breaking eye contact, don't look from side to side, at other people or things, or up. Only look down, defocused and then bring your eyes back up to meet the other person.
The strength of this message can be as disarming as a tornado.
Why?
No one uses it and it's filled with respect, appreciation, and liking.
2. Face
Many experts consider facial expressions the most important non-verbal behavior of all. Your face is the focal point of conversation and interaction, so the impact of its movements and expressions is magnified. The face is a tool for communicating emotions and feelings, but it is also important for regulating and directing an interaction.
Let's say you are interacting with another person and you want to say something. If the other person is already talking, your facial expression will change to indicate you want a turn. Your eyebrows rise slightly, and your mouth opens as if you are about to speak. Smiling is a facial expression used when listening to someone else as a way of encouraging them, acknowledging what they are saying, and signaling you are interested in what they are saying.
Facial expressions can communicate nearly any emotion you want, the most common being happiness, fear, disgust, anger, sadness, and surprise. They typically appear as follows:
1. Happiness - Lips pull back and up at the corners; cheeks raise up; so-called crow's feet wrinkles become
noticeable on the outside of the eyes.
2. Fear - Mouth opens slightly lips are tense; eyebrows rise up and together; forehead wrinkles in the center; upper eyelid rises up.
3. Disgust - Nose wrinkles up; cheeks raise up; eyebrows lower; upper lip rises up; lower lip may be raised up against the upper lip or lowered slightly and pushed out.
4. Anger - Eyes stare with contracted pupils, perhaps seeming to bulge out; eyebrows lower coming together and creating wrinkles between them; lips may be tense and pressed together or tense and open.
5. Sadness - Lips draw down in the corners, perhaps trembling; eyebrows rise up slightly; upper eyelid rises up in the inner corner.
6. ******Surprise - Eyelids open wide; eyebrows arch up; wrinkles appear across entire forehead; jaw drops and mouth opens.
Your face is a useful flirtation device. (It's like a flotation device on an airplane...okay, maybe not.)
A smile, a wink, and raised eyebrows in the right social situation can attract another person's attention and communicate interest. Once a conversation is started, these same facial expressions help to encourage further interest and interaction.
The power of facial expression for attracting and engaging someone else is so big that it can become a misused tool for manipulating or otherwise influencing another person.
There are cultural differences in how facial body language is interpreted as well. For instance, Americans tend to read more emotion into the face than do Japanese. Americans put their focus on the mouth when trying to understand what someone is saying.
The Japanese put their attention on the eyes.
People from the same culture are more accurate in reading each others' facial expressions, a finding you would expect, of course.
Facial expression can be either deliberate or spontaneous depending on the person and the situation. Children tend to show their facial expressions spontaneously, with little or no deliberate control. Adults, on the other hand, have learned through the years to mask or control certain facial expressions in certain situations where they are considered inappropriate or unwise.
Want People to Feel as if You Are Both on the Same Wavelength?
Allow yourself to become infected by their emotional output. In other words, if you see them get excited because the home team got a touchdown, make sure you get caught up in that excitement as well, and, make sure they see that.
If your counterpart is angry, allow your face to come close to matching his emotional intensity.
These kind of near matches really build empathy and liking between two people or groups of people. However, don't match the exact level of excitement or anger. This can often backfire as being seen as dramatic not genuine, and an overall bad idea.
3. Gestures
Gestures are commonly recognized as movements used to communicate a message or enhance the communication of a message. Unlike other elements of body language, to be considered a true gesture the movement must be deliberate and intentional. For instance, if you stand up to walk across the room that is a movement, but it is not a gesture.
If you walk across the room in an exaggerated way, such as on your toes, skipping, talking especially large steps, and so forth, then it is considered a gesture. Your choice to exaggerate the walk is a deliberate action for the purpose of communicating or enhancing the communication of your message.
Want to Make Sure They Don't Engage You in Conversation as You Leave Your Office?
As soon as you get to your door increase your stride length and pace. Focus your eyes far in front of you so you don't make eye contact with the people you walk past. If you do accidentally make eye contact make sure you smile at the person and keep walking.
There are two generally recognized categories of gestures:
1. Speech - independent gestures.
2. Speech - related gestures.
Gestures are especially noteworthy because they are the type of non-verbal communication that is most likely to differ from culture to culture. Speech - independent gestures are most likely to be drastically different, but speech-related gestures can cause cross-cultural confusion as well.
Speech - Independent Gestures
This category is for deliberate movements that can be specifically defined by a word or a short phrase. They are true replacements for speech and are used accordingly. Most speech - independent gestures have a common definition within the culture where they are used, and they generally take the form of a single gesture rather than multiple gestures put together.
Here are some examples of speech-independent gestures and their common meanings:
1. Shoulder shrug - "I don't know" or "I don't care."
2. Ring gesture (thumb and forefinger placed together to form a circle) - "good "or "okay" in the United States; "you're nothing" or "you're worthless" in France; "money" in Japan; and various vulgar sayings in Italy, Greece, and Turkey.
3. Arm wave - "hello," "goodbye, "or "I'm over here."
4. Forefinger vertical to lips - "be quiet," or "stop talking."
5. Arm straight in front, palm facing forward - "stop," or "stay back."
6. Forefinger held up - "look up," "wait a moment," or "stop."
7. Thumbs up - "yes," "good work," "I understand," or "let's go."
The range of gestures is tremendous, with many of them having different meanings and nuances based on context. The number of recognized speech - independent gestures varies in different parts of the world. For example, there are about 100 recognized gestures in the United States but over 250 recognized gestures in Israel.
Gesturing Expressiveness
Women are more expressive with their hands (for example, substituting gestures for words like okay) than are men.
Speech - Related Gestures
This category is for deliberate movements that accompany speech or that are directly related to what is being said. They typically fall into one of these general categories:
1. Gestures related to what the speaker is talking about whether the topic is abstract or concrete.
2. Gestures indicating the speaker's relationship to or with the topic.
3. Gestures used to punctuate or emphasize something the speaker says.
4. Gestures used to regulate the flow of conversation between two or more people.
It's worth noting, however that these are very loose categories and that the gestures themselves can be difficult to place into the appropriate category. Moreover, they vary from country to country and culture to culture.
Overall meaning of a particular speech-related gesture may be influenced by the size of the gesture (small hand movement vs. large arm movement), the frequency of the gesture, and the context in which it is used. Gestures are such an integral part of how we speak that they show up even when we're speaking in a format where the other person can't see us, such as on the telephone. Some people don't even realize they do it.
The next time you see someone talking on the phone, pause for a moment and observe their gestures - you just might be surprised at what you see!
Gestures influence your speech in a number of different ways. For instance, if you are very passionate about the topic you're discussing, then your gestures will probably be more frequent and more varied. Or, if the topic is something you would typically do with your hands (build a doghouse, was a car, mow the lawn, etc.), you'll likely use more gestures than if the topic is something you wouldn't typically do with you hands (history, current events, books, etc.).
Palms Up....A Surprising Consistent Cue
When people are communicating with you and standing fewer than six feet away, look at the position of the palms. Are they typically open or up? If so, that's rarely a bad sign. Usually this leads me to believe the person is being open inviting, or at least vulnerable, curious, and interesting.
On the other hand (wink) if you see palms down and away from you that rarely signals comfort, vulnerability or interest.
4. Touch
Touch is a unique element of body language because it carries with it such powerful connotations and so many different interpretations of intent. The four main categories of touch are:
1. Professional - A personal trainer positioning you properly during an exercise, a dentist working on your teeth, a doctor examining you, a beautician cutting your hair.
2. Social - A handshake, offering a hand to steady someone entering or exiting a vehicle, helping someone on or off with her coat.
3. Friendship - A pat on the back, a touch of the arm, a hug, an arm around the shoulders.
4. Intimacy - A kiss, a full embrace, holding hands, a touch of the cheek, rubbing the shoulders or the back.
The difficulty with touch as a non-verbal behavior is that different people have different definitions of which actions fall into which category. Their definitions may vary depending on age, gender, culture, circumstances, location, and the like, creating overlap between the different categories.
For instance, if your softball team wins a game and the team members hug each other to celebrate, those hugs have a different meaning than if they occurred during a business meeting. A walk in the park, or lunch in a restaurant. Gender differences abound as well. Women are generally more comfortable giving and receiving hugs or giving and receiving gentle touches with others as a sign of friendship while men are more comfortable using those same kinds of touch as signs of intimacy.
The purpose of touch is an important consideration as well. This is the area where most conflicts occur because the person performing the touch may have one purpose or intent while the person receiving the touch may have one purpose or intent. The meaning of touch can be very subjective, ranging across the following:
1. Positive feedback
2. Encouragement
3. Support
4. Negative feedback
5. Anger
6. Frustration
7. Play
8. Humor
9. Influence
10. Dominance
11. Intimidation
12. Stopping or starting an interaction
13. Arousal
14. Task completion
15. Assistance
16. Healing
17. Symbolism
18. Ritual
19. Rank
20. Status
The bottom line when it comes to touch is that it is one of the most subjective elements of body language. It is a good idea to take a conservative approach to using it in most situations and circumstances.
Touch, Power, and Non-verbals in the Office
Sexual harassment is a controversial issue 25 years after the institution of policies both ambiguous and rigid.
According to a recently published survey, "Gendered Constructions of Power During Discourse about Sexual Harassment: Negotiating Competing Meanings," published in Sex Roles, women interpret sexual harassment in terms of power. They tend to feel that every male at the office is a candidate for sexual harassment.
Men however believe that sexual harassment can only come from a superior (supervisor or manager).
The research indicates that women are less likely to experience touch from men as harassing if the man is attractive. And, if the man is very attractive, the touch is even less likely to be experienced as harassing.
For his unfortunate friends who are not so attractive, touching women can land them on the unemployment line. Women typically perceive touch from unattractive men as harassing.
In sum, women and men have very different views and behaviors related to sexual harassment, and, because of the distinctions, it appears that the problem isn't going away.
5. Posture
Most people think of posture as standing up straight shoulders back, and eyes up. This is certainly one very broad way to describe posture, but there are smaller contributing aspects of posture as well. These include:
1. Head position - Tilted up, tilted down, tilted to the side.
2. Shoulder position - Forward, back, shrugged, tilted, slumped.
3. Arm position - Rigid, up, down, forward, straight, bent, crossed.
4. Hips and legs - Square and aligned, weight shifted to one side, one knee bent, hip thrust to either side, turned side ways, legs crossed.
The way you combine and use these various aspects changes the meaning and effectiveness of your message. For instance, if you are trying to make a good impression on a job interviewed or show interest in a one-on-one conversation, a common posture action is called mirroring. When you subtly mirror the posture of the other person you create a feeling of understanding, compatibility, and likability. On the other hand, if you are trying to discourage a person's attention or end a conversation, your posture action might be just the opposite of mirroring. You may turn your back to the person, cross your arms in front of your chest slump your shoulders, or lower your head and not make eye contact.
Posture has a big impact on first impression, too. Picture yourself walking into a room from a business meeting. There are already two people seated at the meeting table - one is sitting upright with hands placed on the table the other slumped back in the chair propping his or her face up with a hand on the chin. What is your initial impression of the first person?
The second person?
Another interesting example of use of posture is in the sport of ballroom dancing. Couples assume a dance posture before they reach the dance floor, staying in that posture as they walk out and take their places before the music starts. When the music ends they stay in their dance posture until they have left the dance floor and are completely out of sight. Why do they do this? To impress the judges, of course. They don't want the judges to see them as anything other than polished, professional, and perfectly balanced.
Fast Fact
Some observers believe that head forward is a sign of being extroverted. Not correct. There is no correlation.
6. Movement
Movement is an element of body language that many people do not fully appreciate in terms of its power and its flexibility. It can create a sense of interest and intimacy, a sense of power and domination, signal submission or retreat, and produce all kinds of emotions in other people.
Let's say you are walking in the shopping mall and you see someone moving toward you. If that person stays a certain distance away from you, his presence does not seem to be a threat; if, however, he moves too close to you, it's uncomfortable and you will either try to move away or face up to the perceived challenge of his movement.
What is the magic distance for the change in perception of movement intent? That varies tremendously depending on the person, the culture, the context, and the environment.
If two people are having a disagreement and one person moves toward the other person, that movement will probably be intended and perceived as aggressive. If those same two people are having a conversation where emotions and feelings are being shared, that same movement will likely be intended and perceived as supporting or encouraging.
Movement can be used to generate familiarity with an audience. Think back to the last few presidential elections in the United States, specifically to a series of debates held between the two major candidates. The formal structured debate is now joined by the more informal, town-hall style debate where the candidates are allowed to move around and approach the audience. The movement is very deliberate because it allows the candidate to connect better with the audience. Of course, some candidate are better at this than others, so naturally those who are good at it will push to use it in all of the debates, while those who are not good at it will push for the more structured format.
7. Appearance
This element of body language has to do with your physical appearance. It includes your body shape and size, your face and hair, your clothing, and the like. Whether we like tit or not, appearance and physical attractiveness have a strong influence on how others receive and perceive our communication messages.
Some of the appearance factors to consider include:
1. Body shape and size
2. Facial shape
3. Eyebrows
4. Hair
5. Height
6. Color
7. Cleanliness
8. Clothing
9. Accessories and jewelry
10. Tattoos and body decoration
11. Rough or smooth skin
12. Manicured nails
13. Makeup
Let's look at how some of these factors come into play.
Research studies have shown that a person of medium height with a muscular build is commonly perceived as mature and self-reliant while a person of medium height with a very thin wiry build is commonly perceived as nervous and quieter. The modern profession of human resources administration focuses a lot of energy on teaching employers and interviewers how to control these natural tendencies and focus on the qualifications of the individual instead.
Let's go back to the example of walking into a meeting room where two people are already seated. One person is dressed neatly in a three-piece suit while the other person is dressed in jeans and a T-shirt. What first impression do you get now? What if the person wearing the suit has long hair and a bushy beard while the person wearing the jeans and T-shirt has a short, neat haircut and no facial hair? How does that affect or confuse your first impression.
Tattoos and body decoration have become extremely common, throwing a monkey wrench into the body language of appearance. Some of it is generational (the older you are the less likely you are to approve) and some of it is based in professional expectations (a banker vs. bartender). Employers and parents often struggle with this issue, sometimes setting up huge conflicts and difficulties. Businesses have had to write specific policies into their dress code while parents continue to fight the "my best friend has a pierced lip, why can't I have one? " battle.
In relationships of a personal nature, it's not a surprise that men are very much drawn to attractive women.
One of the keys to explaining a man's attraction to a woman is the waist-to-hip- ratio. If a woman's waist-to-hip ratio is smaller than 24:36 for example, she will fit perfectly in a man's internal radar. If her waist-to-hip ratio is 1:1 or greater, in general, she will be filtered out by most men. They won't see her from the standpoint of sexuality and a love relationship.
Women also have an internal radar that filters men out, but it is more complex.
Women want a man to have waist-to-hip ratio of 1:1 or smaller.
From an evolutionary perspective, fat men are obviously less likely to have great value to a woman, just as obese women are not likely to be of much value to men.
But there is more.
In the Japanese alphabet there is a character call Tak ai (I think to George Takei from Star Trek to remember this.) Takai is an adjective that refers to the "three Ts" that Japanese women look for in men. Those terms translate into English as:
Tall
High Income
Intelligent
When women say they like men who are kind, that can typically be read as in addition to men who are tall high income, and intelligent.
Later I'll show you how being deficient in one area can be made up for in another. In other words, just because a man isn't tall, doesn't mean he's automatically filtered out. He can make enough money to overcome his height disadvantage. He can be intelligent enough to overcome his height disadvantage. (The research shows money has more leverage than height.)
For now, simply realize that the research is simple.
Women who are attractive have numerous advantages in life because they are attractive. Men who are tall, intelligent, and wealthy have those same advantages.
8. Voice
The last element of body language I'll discuss is your voice. You might thin of it as part of verbal language because it relates to words, but it's not. Voice is an important part of the non-verbal behaviors and cues that you both send and receive.
The common aspects of voice as body language include:
1. Tone - Warm, bored, enthusiastic, monotone, expressive.
2. Pitch - High, low, ending words or phrase on an up or down tone.
3. Emphasis - Less, more, rhythmic, unexpected, excessive, absent.
4. Volume - Loud, soft, projecting, variable, appropriate for the situation.
5. Tempo - Speed, variability, rhythm, pacing.
6. Contrasts - Loud, soft, fast, slow, high, low.
7. Accent - Non-native speaker, pronunciations, specific emphasis.
8. Emotion - Sad, happy, excited, angry, afraid.
9. Clarity - Enunciation, mumbling, precision, distortion.
10. Hesitation - Starts and stops, struggling to find words.11. Pauses - Form emphasis, for audience response, for dramatic effect.
12. Language - Slang, proper grammar, profanity, cliches, colloquialisms.
Let's say your voice is very soft, breathy, and high pitched. The first impression others have of you is likely to be that you are quiet, feminine unsure of yourself, and young. If, however, very deep, loud, and robust, the first impression others have of you is likely to be that you are bold, knowledgeable, masculine, and mature.
Do you listen to the radio? Is there a DJ whose voice you recognize and know well? Whether you realize it or not, in your mind you have formed an impression of what that person looks like and perhaps even what his personality may be like. If you were to meet that person face to face, you would probably find the picture in you mind is quite different from reality.
When people's vocal aspects to not seem to match with their physical characteristics, it creates a conflict that may confuse or surprise others. A well-known example is Mike Tyson, a former professional boxer. At the height of his career he was the most dominant force in the sport of boxing, beating opponents with a ferocity and intensity that seemed almost unreal.
His voice, however, was quite high pitched and sounded very feminine. His imposing, masculine body coupled with his small feminine voice created a very conflicting impression of him indeed.
Some people will deliberately take on certain vocal aspects in an attempt to directly influence the non-verbal cues it creates. Woman, for instance, may soften their tone and raise their pitch to convey intimacy. Both women and men may increase their volume and increase their tempo if they want to convey dominance, status, or persuasion.
Most people don't really know or understand the non-verbal influence of their voice. Compare this with actors, entertainers, newscasters, teachers, professional speakers, executives, and such. All of these people use their voices in specific ways to create specific impressions and non-verbal cues. The next time you watch the news for example, close your eyes, and listen to the newscaster's voice. Listen to how his voice changes in some tone, pitch, tempo, and the like, especially as he moves from serious news stories to lighter, human interest stories. You'll notice how his voice is used to set the tone for a story and convey the appropriate context.
Chapter 3 Takeaways
1. The elements of body language include both physical body parts and how those parts are used.
2. The key elements include 1. eyes, 2. face, 3. gestures, 4. touch, 5. posture, 6. movement, 7. appearance, and 8. voice.
3. The eyes convey messages with both deliberate body language (eye contact, direction of gaze) and spontaneous body language (pupil dilation, blinking).
4. Facial expressions are thought by many to be the most important of all non-verbal behaviors. They convey emotion and regulate and direct an interaction.
5. Gestures are movements used to communicate a message or enhance communication of a message. They are deliberate and intentional; the two categories of gestures (thumbs up, arm wave) and speech-related gestures (emphasize a point, describe a topic).
6. Touch generally falls into one of four categories:
1. professional
2. social
3. friendship
AND
4. intimacy.
There can be a tremendous amount of overlap between these categories due to factors such as age, gender, status, circumstances, and culture.
7. Posture includes several contributing aspects; head position, shoulder position, arm position hips and legs. It can be used in ways such as to influence first impression, create understanding and discourage attention.
8. Movement is a powerful yet flexible in how it can be used. It can convey such things as familiarity status, dominance, submission, aggression, support, and encouragement.
9. Appearance include body shape and size, face and hair, clothing, and the like. It is particularly powerful when it comes to creating a first impression. There are some strong generational differences in what is considered appropriate and inappropriate in terms of appearance.
10. Voice is non-verbal tool that includes aspects such as tone, pitch, tempo, emphasis, emotion, and so on. Vocal aspects can be used deliberately to shape and influence non-verbal cues and how they are perceived by others.
Chapter 3 Worksheet
1. Review the Chapter Takeaways and answer the following:
1. Which key point(s) did you find most interesting? Why?
2. How do you use eye contact as part of your non-verbal behavior? Think of a time when you used it to show interest and attention. Describe what you did and the effect it had.
Now think of a time when you used eye contact to show dominance or status. Describe what you did and the effect it had.
3. Videotape yourself giving a presentation or even participating in a conversation. Go back and look at the tape, noting your body language and what is conveyed.
4. Use a tape recorder to record your voice as you have a normal conversation. Play it back and listen to the non-verbal cues it conveys. What would you like to change? How can you achieve it?
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