BE A BETTER LISTENER

1. PRACTICE SILENCE. IT TAKES DISCIPLINE TO REMAIN SILENT MAKE A CONSCIOUS EFFORT TO SAY NOTHING UNTIL YOU'RE SURE YOUR RELATIONSHIP PARTNER HAS FINISHED HIS THOUGHT. THIS IS EASIER WRITTEN THAN DONE, SO PRACTICE.

2. ELIMINATE DISTRACTIONS. SHUT THE DOOR, TURN OFF YOUR CELLPHONE, DON'T GLANCE AT THE COMPUTER FOR EMAIL. YOU WANT THE OTHER PERSON TO FEEL YOU'VE DONE EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO MAKE 100 PERCENT LISTENING POSSIBLE.

3. FOCUS YOUR ATTENTION. THIS MEANS YOU CAN'T DAYDREAM, DWELL ON HOW YOUR'RE GOING TO RESPOND OR TUNE OUT THE OTHER PERSON. GIVING YOUR BOSS OR CUSTOMER YOUR UNDIVIDED ATTENTION IS JUST THAT - A GIFT.

4. SHOW NONVERBAL ATTENTIVENESS. THREE EASY WAYS TO DEMONSTRATE ATTENTIVENESS: NOD; MAKE EYE CONTACT; SMILE.

5. USE THE "REPEAT PRINCIPLE." PARAPHRASE WHAT YOU THOUGHT THE OTHER PERSON SAID. REQUESTING CLARIFICATION COMMUNICATES YOUR DESIRE TO KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IS MEANT.

6. EMPATHIZE. EMPATHY IS ESSENTIAL FOR RESULTS - PRODUCING RELATIONSHIPS, AND IT'S ESPECIALLY CRUCIAL IN LISTNEING.

7. ASK GOOD QUESTIONS. IF YOU DON'T ASK ANY QUESTIONS - OR IF YOU JUST ASK PERFUNCTORY QUESTIONS - YOU'RE GOING TO SEEM LIKE YOU DIDN'T PAY ATTENTION. EVEN ONE GOOD QUESTION MAY BE ENOUGH TO SHOW THAT YOU'VE LISTENED.

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